From the bottom of my heart...

During difficult times, most often lose sight of the reason why they fell in love with each other in the first place.

Nothing is forever smooth-sailing. There'll definitely be times when shit happens. It's tough, sure it is. I know, like how many others know too. Maybe, sometimes all we need to see a miracle is just that little glimmer of hope, faith and trust that things will work out fine eventually.

Just had a long conversation with a very close friend whom I once shared very beautiful memories with. Sadly, things didn't work out as I was not ready for a new relationship. He and his girlfriend have been in a long distance relationship since one year back.

He's lamenting that though he keeps creating opportunities for her to bond with the family so she could go over and stay with him in the near future, she, on the other hand, has been doing nothing but letting his efforts go to waste. Also, she has been picking on him alot recently. From non-existent issues like putting his status in Friendster as "Single" to some really big issues like their religion differences.

He feels that it has been really tough on him, as being the only son,and that from a very rich family, he has to fight the battle alone. That he has to be the one to face his parent's adamant disapproval all alone while all she does is just telling him that "we're in this together".

Her constant craving for attention and his inability to satisfy her, made him feel very bad and useless. He wishes that he could be there by her side, for her, with her... but he can't possibly leave the family business unattended. He's stuck and is in a dilemma. He doesn't see a future sometimes... but the past 2 years has been really good and he doesn't want to give up just like that just because he's afraid of huring her.

From the perspective of an outsider, I feel that things got to this stage simply because of the lack of understanding and empathy. My friend failed to see why the girl reacted that way and the girl failed to understand that he, besides being her boyfriend, is also the son of his parents. He has his duties and responsibilities to fulfill while she has the right to the attention she craves for. No one is wrong... They just aren't right for each other.

This is love. It's never a level playing field. We can never exactly pinpoint who's right and what's wrong. But yet, every single time, we never fail to fall into it again.

Having to be in one soon, I am trying my very best to learn from others' mistakes and reflect upon it so as to ensure that I can make mine a better one and be able to iron out all the kinks and survive it. Hearing about both good and bad experiences has made me worried and happy at the same time. Worried that mine would be fraught with lots of difficulties like the restbut at the same time, happy because I know my relationship could very well be one of those which make it.

Baby, you're leaving this Sunday and to be honest, as much as I'm mentally prepared for it, I still can't help but feel a certain sense of loss. I've told myself to be as understanding as I can, not to be demanding and make your life difficult, to try my very best to visit you as often as I can and to do all I can to keep the sparks going.

While I do hope that we can still be holding hands happily two years down the road, stronger and more in love than ever, I want you to know that if you feel that things are too much to bear, you don't have to feel sorry for me or be afraid that you'll hurt me. Neither do you have to feel obligated to be with me at the end of everyting just because I waited for you. I am doing all these on my own accord and if by the end of everyting, you're still very much in love with me and can see yourself spending the rest of your life with me, I'll gladly be you companion for life, supporting and making the journey of life with you.

But if at the end of it, all you feel for me, is nothing but obligation and responsibility, then I'd rather not have it. I don't need sympathy. I want love, true love. Not an illusion of love.

I'm not afraid of being lonely and heartbroken but I'm very afraid of living in a illusion for the rest of my life.

Of course, ideally, we both would still be happily together at the end of two years... but who know the future right? We do not even know what tomorrow brings, needless to say, sometime two years down the road.

Still, I want to let you know how happy I've been with you. What happened last week probably gave both of us a better idea of where our relationship was heading and how much we meant to each other. I'm really glad I sent that email. Otherwise, I would still be full of doubts and uncertainties now. I can safely say that I'm alot more confident of making this work after hearing what you have to say last week. In fact, I look forward to our life together with anticipation. I do look forward to seeing you in Shanghai after my exams, meeting you halfway round the globe in October and many other plans which we may have for the next two years.

Sometimes, you are too good to be true that I'm very afraid that someone or something would take you away from me yet there are also times, where you're an absolute nightmare. It's not a complaint. I gladly accept you for who you are, all the lovable traits with the extremely irritating ones. At least, I feel that you're alot more understanding and loving now. And you've been a really great boyfriend to me inspite of my unstable moods these recent weeks.

For this, I promise to be a even greater girlfriend, friend, lover, listener, counseller and partner to you.

Will be here waiting for you patiently, without any grouses.... I promise.

Love you, don't you ever forget that.