Presence or Presents

A man going abroad to work leaves his fiancee crying."Don't worry, I will write you everyday," he said.

For years he did write her.But since he was happy with his job, he had no immediate plans of going home.One day, he received a wedding invitation.His girlfriend was scheduled to be married.To whom? To the mailman bringing regularly the letters of her boyfriend! Indeed, distance does make hearts flounder.

The poor boyfriend surely explained, "What went wrong? I sent her letters, chocolates, and flowers."When relationships go wrong, the list of things given and done for the person usually crops up. We say, "I have given you this and that... I have done these things for you." It seems that love is simply proven by the bestowal of gifts and favors.

But while presents are important, love demands what is basic: 'presence of the beloved'.I have observed for instance, the orchids of my mother's. When she's away for a long time, they are unhealthy and many of them wither. But when she is around, they bloom with beautiful flowers. My mother does nothing exceptional. She just spends much time talking and caressing them.I guess persons all the more require a caring presence.

Love is fundamentally a commitment to a person. We may be committed to our business, job, hobby, sports and clubs. But strictly speaking, they cannot love us back. Only a person can love us in return, and for that matter, the highest commitment as human beings, is spending time with those persons we love.And since people need affection and nourishment, material things can only help up to a certain degree in fostering love. But it can never replace the greatest gift of presence becuz everyone needs someone - be it friends, parents, siblings or simply that 'special' one.Being there for someone need not necessary mean having to say alot. Words are sometimes redundant. Remember that 'presence' (to be there for someone) is more than enough."

What Is Most Valuable Is Not What You Have In Your Life, But Who You Have In Your Life"

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I stumbled across this story and can't help but nod my head in agreement while reading it.

However, as the world is going into globalisation nowadays, is love doomed?

Highflyers are getting posted overseas, businessmen are expanding their businessed overseas, capable people are looking for opportunities overseas, top students are given the chance to go on exchange and internships overseas...

With all these happening around us, should we then instead, enter into relationships of convenience?

To put it simply, it means to be with someone for reason of close proximity rather than to hold out and put ourselves through the pain of a long distance relationship. It's no wonder I've seen so many people who get posted overseas eventually settle down with someone from there. A case of being able to find true love or a case of convenience?

It's very easy to preach and talk about it... Now that I'm facing such a situation for real, I don't dare say for sure what I would do or how I would handle it.

You know, sometimes, I morph into this worrywart... Worrying about all the 'what-ifs'. I get very worried that he'll meet someone new there, I get worried that we'll grow apart as a result of being away from each other all the time, I get worried that I'll get sick of waiting... All the endless possibilities.

Of course, I keep reminding myself to think of the brighter side but what if there's no brighter side to it? Sometimes, the way he speaks about the future... the way his eyes sparkles when he talks about his plans there... reminds me that I'm going to be apart rather than a part of his life in the near future. A reminder that soon, we're going to be in different worlds, living different lives connected only by electronic means or a voice over the phone.

When in a long-distance relationship, how much is too much & when is it too little?

What if at the end of 2 years, he decides to continue staying there? Where does that leave me then? After waiting for 2 long years, I would then be issued a quiet ultimatum. One in which I would either have to leave my life here behind to be there with him or to call it quits after the 2 years' wait and be back to where I started off from.

Sure, I love him... but is it all worth it? Not that I need a return for everything I do but then again, shouldn't I just move on if it's so apparent that it's heading nowhere? If he can't give any assurance that he'll certainly be back at the end of the contract period, should I then reconsider my decision? While it's still not too late to turn back now... No wait! Perhaps I'm already too deep in it to consider backing out as an option.

On my part here, I've taken action to ensure that we might at least get to see each other once every 2-3 months. However, while I can plot and plan, I also have to be given the opportunity to make my plan work. While I am making a choice here, I also have to bear in mind that I'm also one of the many who wishes to be chosen. The problem here is I might not be given that chance.

So, question at the back of my mind now is this: What if I do not get the job?

Does it mean that I have to scrimp and save my pay cheque at the end of every month just so that I get to see him once every half a year? Not forgetting the fact that if I really go into banking, I'll probably be very busy and how many days of annual leave do I get per year? At most 14 days for a newcomer, I suppose. Do the math, and it means, out of 365 days a year, we only probably get to see each other 5 days at a time, twice a year, excluding the webcam conversations (which by the way, reminds me that till now, we still have not gotten our asses down to Funan to get a webcam). That makes it a total of 10 days spent together per year. Translated to percentage, it means we only spend like 2.74% of our time together each year! What a revelation!

Maybe it's still not to late to change our minds... maybe it's not too late to revert back to the 'friends' status. Or is it too late? I have no idea, really.

What does he think of it then? That, I have no idea too. All I know is that he HOPES that things would work out and that he's WILLING to give it a try. Honestly, if I were him, it would be easy to say that I'm willing to give it a try. What would he have to lose? If things don't work out, he has his career to bank on... while I'll have nothing except perhaps, a very depleted bank account plus a very shattered heart and of course 2 years of my youth gone. What's 2 years to men in their late 20s? It's nothing... Their market value is just like antique vases, the older they get, the higher is their market value while women are just like cars, they depreciate in value year after year & when they get too old, they'll be gotten rid of and in place of them, will be a nice and shiny new car...

Sad but true. Though there are people out there who truly appreciates vintage cars, most would still choose a spanking new one anytime.

I very much want to take one step at a time and live in the moment but it's tough. The more I think about it, the more unsure I get. It takes alot more than this to assure me that it's all worth the wait. Am I greedy? Am I impatient? Am I selfish? I don't think so. It's just that I don't want to have the epiphany one day and realise that all along, it's just wishful thinking on my part.

Even more so, I do not want to leave my life in accordance to his plans forever. It's okay if it's just temporary. What if it's not? I need to be consulted when decision are made rather than be informed of the decision only after it's made. Once or twice that happens, it's acceptable but not if it's going be this way forever. Being a couple means we got to respect each other and think of each other when making decisions rather than making decisions for the good of one party all the time while the other just compromises...

Like you said, I think too much but not deep enough... Maybe I really do... Perhaps I should start thinking deeper now... I do not know what will the eventual outcome be. I just know that, either way, it's equally tough and painful. But I also know that some things albeit painful, would still have to be decided on... At the end of the day, what's most painful is that you eventually realise that what affects you so much, probably doesn't have much effect on the other party...

天黑了， 被孤独拥抱着， 一个人回忆你的体温
放开了你的手我后悔， 后悔再也来不及挽回
失去了，失去了你，我想哭但是没有泪