Thinking Out Loud!

Been back for 5 days already... Have been kept busy by all the errands I have to run, all the matters I have to attend to now that I'm back, meeting up with close friends and of course, sorting my life out.

Contract has been signed and uniform measurements taken and fitting done... I've already went shopping for appropriate working shoes.

I'm entering a new phase of my life soon... & this time round, it's for good... Even if I do further my studies in future, it'll probably be on a part-time basis. No longer do I have the luxury to be a student again and worry about nothing but my grades and project deadlines.

Come Monday, I'll be like every other adult with responsibilities... Waking up early in the morning... Dressing up... Scurrying to the train station hoping my train hasn't just left... Attend training and day-dreaming of what to eat for lunch... Come lunch I'll be daydreaming about teabreak... Half-hearted attempt to look interested and like I'm paying attention and dream about the end of the day... Then, like many others, scurry to the train station again, hoping that my train home hasn't just left.

You know... I wonder if I'll grow to actually like this 4 months of monotany... or would I prefer the uncertainy which I'll face when I get to actually soar the skies?

My love life has been good so far... I'm just wondering how long would it stay this way. Oh yeah... negativity has hit once again... Just wondering how a relationship can actually work out when both parties are so unconnected. How can one sms and a 15mins max phonecall a day sustain a relationship & how does it keep the sparks alive? Is meeting once every couple of months even enough?

To be honest, sometimes I really wish I could have it easy. Meet The One, fall madly in love, feel passionately for him, get married, have beautiful kids and a cute dog and live happily-ever-after. Just too bad, I ain't no Cinderella...

Yeah, I'm supposed to take one day at a time... live in the moment, things will be fine, blah blah blah blah... I wonder why the hell am I going through this vicious cycle every once in awhile... It's getting to me and everytime I feel negative, I gotta repeat the above mantras to myself over and over again till I almost believe in it.

It's tiring & alot of times, I'm very tempted to just throw in the towel. I have a feeling that one day... I really might... And when that day comes, I'll be breaking my own heart into a million pieces...

Baby... sometimes love just ain't enough