Many Many Random Thoughts

When a relationship you've been in failed to work for one reason or another, does your next suffer the repercussions?

Example: You loved this guy with your heart & soul but yet he cheated on you. Would you then, be less trusting of your next bf just because of a mistake made by your ex?

I think in a way, I'm guilty of this. Not only in love, but also friendship & kinship. I tend to be more wary and less trusting of people with each betrayal and disappointment.

It's probably just my way of protecting myself. While it works, I've also unwittingly blocked out the positive aspects of each and every relationship... While I protect myself from hurt, I'm indirectly stopping myself from feeling the happiness, warmth, joy and whatever positives which might come along.

How do we strike a balance then?

It's not very wise to just keep opening yourself up to just anyone and then probably get hurt and disappointed. But then, if you keep yourself so well-guarded then you'll probably never feel happy too though you wouldn't feel hurt either. How do we know when we should open up & when we should be alittle more cautious?

Do we observe and draw our own conclusions or do we simply listen to our gut feel or this thing called intuition?

I suppose there's never a best of both worlds... is there?

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Priorities in life... When one decides to make one thing their number one priority, then there'll certainly be another which will have to take a backseat. Problem arises when another human being is involved... Again, there can never be the best of both worlds...

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If one day you meet someone whom you think might potentially be your life partner but yet you know that you might have to go away soon, would you still go ahead?

Would you just go ahead with it and enjoy every moment and take things as it comes or would you inform the other party of that possibility, however remote it may be, and then be a man and accept the decision of the other party be it yes or no?

If I were ever caught in that situation, I'm very certain I'll tell him of that possibility and then let him decide if he still wants to give it a shot. If not, I'll respect and understand his decision.

To turn the question around, if one decided to just go ahead with it because anyway, the chance of him/her going away might not even happen, and take things as it comes; - Is the person being very selfish?

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If one day I were to meet someone whom I really love and can foresee myself spending the rest of my life with, would I go ahead and do something which might take me further away from him?

If I love him alot, I probably would not... but women being women are always more emotional... They probably do not think for themselves very much and sometimes love matters more then anything...

That said, if I went ahead instead, does that mean I love the person any less? Or that I don't love that person enough?

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If I decided to go ahead and he stops me, would I stay for his sake?

I don't know... but let's say we're in different positions now, I guess I probably wouldn't be selfish enough to stop him from going as much as it hurts me... As much as I know things might just not work out... As much as I wish I could... Not that I'm noble... Just that it's not in me to do something like that...

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Even before considering any of the questions above, the first and foremost important question is probably gonna be this:

Would what I feel even matter?

If not, then why go through the agony of it all?

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Is it right to just decide on something individually and then drop the bomb on him/her or would it be more considerate to just discuss this as a couple? At least you let him/her feel that his/her opinions matter as much and they're very much respected...

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I think it's really tough... both letting go and holding on...

Like if one is suddenly diagnosed with a terminal illness... To try prolonging my life by going through all sorts of painful treaments which might not even work or to just slowly die with dignity while enjoying the remaining days of my life? That's a tough one... Both being equally painful and scary...

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On hindsight, everything happens for a reason... good or bad, no one knows... But make a decision and make sure you have the balls to stick to it and accept all the consequences be it good or bad...

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Do all great relationships have to be put through the toughest test; like how gold has to be put through fire?

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I very much want to be very positive... but it's not easy... I'll try though...

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Would things ever be the same again? I wish I knew...

One thing I am very sure of though... & that's my feelings... Even if it's heading nowhere... I'm still stupid enough to carry on loving & maybe risk getting hurt.

But as the wise always say:

"You don't try, you'll never know"

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I had a dream... where we were both old & toothless... and still holding each others' hands... I woke up with a smile... only to feel my pillow wet... and then realised that I cried myself to sleep...

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Is love a choice or a chance? I'd prefer it to be the first... where we all make a choice and stick to our choices... There's too much at stake if it's merely a chance... Of course, without a doubt, it'll have to be a choice which we'll gladly carry out our responsibilities... & there can only be one reason for this... for you love this person alot & want nothing more than for this person to be happy...

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As always, talk is cheap... let's prove our words with actions instead...